Dołączył: 17 Maj 2011
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|Wysłany: Pią 6:56, 20 Maj 2011 Temat postu: Tiffany Necklaces6Using Sex Addictively - free art
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Robert consulted with me because his wife, Andrea, was no longer interested in having sex with him. “Andrea says she feels objectified when we make adore [link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and I don’t understand what namely method,” he stated. “I love her and I don’t meditation I see her as one thing.”
“Well, when you absence to make love to her, why are you wanting to make love? What is motivating you?” I asked.
As we explored this answer, it became perceptible that Robert’s desire for Andrea was generally motivated, not merely by his physical need for sex, but too along his need to be validated by her and to relieve his tension. No time in his discussion with me did he say he wanted to make love to her as an wording of his love for her. At no time did he state that there were many ways he enjoyed sharing his love with her, such as time together, sharing amusement, emotion, cuddling. His converge in being with Andrea was in having sex with her, and if she didn’t want to, he was generally angry or withdrawn. While he alleged that he was expressing his love when I asked him about it, his action was everything but loving.
“So, if she doesn’t feel turned on to you, and would rather caress or cost time together in some other way, that’s not okay with you? You don’t reside loving with her unless she does what you want?”
“Yeah, I surmise so. I guess that’s what I do.”
Robert was very anguished to learn that this is why Andrea felt objectified, and also to learn that he was using sex addictively. Anything we use appearance ourselves to relieve stress, validate ourselves and fill ourselves up tin convert an addiction. In Robert’s circumstance, he was using sex to avoid dealing with his stress and low self-esteem. He was using Andrea and sex as a Band-Aid to temporarily alleviate anxiety. And, he confessed, he went beyond with his addiction. He would masturbate to pornography and attend priceless strip clubs in his efforts avoid responsibility for his own feelings and needs. Underneath his addictive behavior, Robert felt deeply insecure and fearful much of the time. Rather than dealing with his fears and insecurities, he was using sex, fair as somebody another might use edible, pills or alcohol.
As long as Robert was coming to her depressed rather than loving, there was naught for Andrea to feel turned on to. Andrea wanted their sex to be an expression of their love for each other, not a direction to relieve Robert’s anxiety or fill his emptiness [link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and had approached the place in her own growth where she was no longer ambitioning to be accustom by him.
Fortunately, Robert was stimulated to do the interior go needful to heal his sexual addiction. Through his work with the Inner Bonding process that I educate [link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Robert was competent to establish, for the first period in his life, a articulation with a spiritual source of love and guidance. Through knowledge to work with his spiritual guidance, he was proficient to start to heal the limiting beliefs he had absorbed as he was growing up approximately his adequacy and value. As he began to detect the prettiness among him - his gentleness, integrity, creativity, and aptitude to concern about others - he began to feel much better about himself. He knowledgeable to talk up for himself in work and social positions, as well as follows Andrea. As he learned be loving with himself, the emptiness within him that led to his neediness gradually dwindled. The extra he was loving with himself, the more powerful he felt, and the more he was able to express his love to Andrea. When the day came that Andrea actually felt his love prefer than his neediness and emptiness, her sexual feelings for Robert returned.
Robert’s lust because pornography and strip clubs gradually disappeared as he studied to take full liability because his own sensibilities and needs. He still loves apt make love with Andrea, yet he no longer gets angry and withdrawn whether she namely no rotated above. He no longer needs her to take away his worry or verify his adequacy. He is no longer using sex addictively.
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